While I never wanted this to happen I am at the point now where it can't happen fast enough.
I'm ready to move forward with my life. I deserve to be happy and my daughter deserves a family thats going to love her unconditionally. I know that I can give that to her whether I'm alone or not.
The process is moving right along... paperwork is filed and the attorneys are asking every little question I could think of.... I told my attorney that things are pretty much split up and we agreed on everything - not good enough. I have to write a list up of everything Doug is getting. To which I say, Really?!? (thats said in my Seth Myers, SNL voice)
My attorney also told me that everything should be final and ready for the judges approval on September 13th. to which I say, Really?! Couldn't it have been on the 12th or the 14th? I told Doug that he was so generous for my birthday this year - a divorce. yay. I'm sure I'll look back in 15 years when I'm truly and completely happy and realize that is the best gift I've ever received. Now, not so much - but I sure am hopeful!
So the thing I am really struggling with right now.... my name. Ford or Adams, Ford or Adams, Ford or Adams....What on earth do I do? At first I was dead set on keeping it Adams. Thats what Delaney's last name is, so thats what I wanted my last name to be. I think I still had it in my head that a name meant a happy family. How is she going to feel growing up with a different last name then me? Let alone if I ever get married again and have more kids - then she would be the only one in the house with the last name Adams, how does that mess up a kid? Then a friend told me, "It's not about the name Ashley, its about how you love the child unconditionally! If you are there for every child the same way, they won't know any difference." well, Hello!! That brought a whole new light to the situation. However, I still don't know... Advice is much appreciated. And before I get told its my decision and its a decision only I can make, blah, blah, blah... ;) Just let me know your thoughts - I'd appreciate it! They're both presidential, so either way its pretty cool!
I still am SO grateful for the people in my life. I've been comforted by people I've been close with for years, some people I haven't even talked to you in years. Every single person who has reached out to me has blessed me and helped me so much. God is great and I know I will do great things for him in the future.
Now, maybe I'll get to bed at a decent hour tonight :) sleep tight friends!
Everyone in my house was a Sweeney, I was a Sanfilippo. It made me feel unique :)
ReplyDeleteWhew! nuff said about timing...oh well...onward is right!!! As far as the name thing...i kept Adams until I remarried...it was really ok...the kids and I had the same name for the most part while they were in elementary school and middle school and it just seemed to make things easier...you'll figure out what is comfortable for you and when is the right time to make changes! You will look back and know that God always has a plan...i am proud of the fortitude you've shown, the grief you've been willing to share...the honesty and the committment to Delaney and your happiness...we love you!
ReplyDeleteAshley, I am going to be one of those people who says that only you can make the decision on your name - I know how much you hate that. However, just remember that Delaney will love YOU and not your name. She will not care whether or not your names are the same - besides, some day you may change your name again and then your names will be different at that point. It seems that years ago, many divorced women kept their ex-husband's last name "for the sake of the children" but not so much any more. So many families have more than one name and that is perfectly fine. As far as the birthday thing goes, on one hand,that stinks, but on the other hand, it is a new year for you and a new beginning with new adventures and new people to meet. Whatever you decide, your Dad and I will be there right beside you showering you and Delaney with lots of love!
ReplyDeleteThe good news is you don't have to decide your name right away. You're going through a lot of changes right now. Emotionally, physically, and mentally exhausting changes. Give yourself time to adjust to the newness of the direction your life has taken. As things calm down and the water becomes more clear and less painful. A decision on your last name may become easier. Right now the name Adams has a lot of confusing, sad, raw emotion attached to it....to make things more difficult, it also has the sweetest, most loving and perfect attachment (Delaney). Ford is a comforting name with stability (which I'm sure you crave) attached to it. There are certainly pros and cons for both. Stay where you are for now. Don't force a decision until you feel confident and comfortable. No rush. You can change your name tomorrow, in 1 month, 5 or 15 years. You are a good woman Ash. A good woman as a Adams or Ford...Love you!!!
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