hi friends.
Today I feel like I am at the point where I am truthfully and honestly more than ready to move on and get this selfishness outta my life, but that doesn't mean it doesn't still hurt. Now I am realizing that I will be happier outside of this marriage, but I still look back and there is sadness attached to it.
I talked to an old friend today and they said, that in a situation like this, it goes from sappy sad, to happy times, round and round.... eventually it will take a longer time to get back to sad. Very true. At first, it was sad all the time, then slowly and surely I was getting to be a little happier. Doesn't mean the sad times don't come back, because they do....they're just fewer and farther between.
Doug moved out on Saturday so its been a crazy adjustment. Just a lot of responsibility on my shoulders. I know he loves Delaney and honestly wants the best for her, but its hard knowing that the brunt of it is on my shoulders. I don't have another adult opinion if I need it at 3am and she's screaming. I think thats the hardest part for me. I know I have amazing family, friends and eventually I will have a new someone, but Delaney's parents will ALWAYS be Doug and Ashley. So every decision will be up to us, but with me being primary physical custodial parent, I just feel that weight. Its just never what I imagined my life would be like.
To this day, Im still getting so much support. Its amazing to still be getting cards, messages, flowers, text, etc... truly blessed for my friends and family. I feel so thankful that I am getting to see first hand the work of God and how he brings people into our lives for a reason. I know that God has a plan for me and he is guiding me along the path. Like, I've said before we don't always understand, but we need to trust.
Trust in the lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths. - Proverbs 3: 3 - 5
Funny Story to end on.... The other day, I tried to have a heart to heart with Delaney. I told her how much I loved her, I am always here for her, yada yada yada. Im in tears and I finish talking and she looks at me and says, "Elmo!" :) Love that girl to pieces.
From the mouths of babes, LOL! You're doing an amazing job and you're and amazing woman! It's that whole "grief process.."...shock,denial, anger, bargaining, depression, testing, acceptance. Sometimes you go through the cycle more than once or get stuck in a phase...God will guide you through all of them. Don't ever forget that all the grandparents are a phone call away when you need a voice of reason at 3AM...know it's not the same as immediate support but not one of us will mind a phone call WHENEVER you need us...there are good things ahead for you, i know it. One day at a time...trust in God...lean on family and friends...and marvel at the innocence of Delaney and her ability to "break it down" to the basics..."Elmo..." =) Love you!
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