welp, here we go...

Never in a million years did I think I would start a blog.


What would I have to say that would be so important to share?


Well that all changed June 23, 2011.


Some of you may know, and some of you not - My husband, Doug, the one who I've been married to for almost 4 years and together with for almost 10 comes out of nowhere saying he doesn't love me anymore.


Now, I admit it... in the past I was a judger. I still am. Something I am working on but I'm human and I judge people. I always thought people who got divorced just didn't work at it or they just gave up. NOT the case. I apologize to everyone who I ever thought that about. I now know that everyone has a different situation and I am NO better then ANYONE else I meet who is in this situation. Bottom line, we just don't know what other people are going through in their personal life and everyone deserves to be treated with dignity and respect. 


To sum it up, Doug just wanted out. He did not want to do any sort of counseling with me to work on our marriage. He went on to tell me I did nothing wrong, I was the perfect wife, its just not the life he wants because he doesn't love me and he can't fake it anymore.  Of course, I was hysterical. I never thought Doug would do this to me. Who was this person that felt so strongly about this decision and just the day before I thought we were happily married?


So the past 3 and a half weeks have been hell. literally hell. I go to bed every night and every day I wake up in this nightmare.


I don't know what the future holds and the answer to why Doug is doing this (I have a good guess, but thats another blog, another time) but I do know that I have the support of my family (including my AMAZING in-laws) and friends. You all have gotten me through this so far...now, I am far far from being through this awful situation but I love knowing that at anytime I can pick up the phone and there are always people to call.  My Mom and Dad are just the most supportive people I've ever met. I love them more than I could ever show, say or type.  Without them, well without them I really wouldn't be here in the first place, but without their support I would probably end up in a shelter somewhere crying in a corner. So thanks to them for being awesome. 


Some people may wonder why would I choose to write a blog and have other people in my personal life because, as I've been told "It's nobody else's business". Well I'm an open person and I want to be proud of the way I live my life. I don't want to hide anything or pretend I'm somebody I'm not. The way I view it is that if I keep it a secret until everything is final people may think that I wanted this, or I gave up. Not true. 


This is who I am. If its not something you would do and you think Im crazy for writing this, then you can stop reading. 


I have been relying on my three favorite men (just like Don McLean says) The father, son and holy ghost to get me through every day. The Lord is someone who will always be there for me and as my wonderful Aunt Jill says, "God sees you through the times when you cannot see clearly" Boy, isn't that the truth? I feel all the prayers and I thank you all. 


I don't know whats going to happen in a year, a month or even next week. That is so hard for me. As many of you know, Im a planner. I planned my life out just like I wanted it and I was on that path. Now its time for me to get out of the drivers' seat and take a ride. 


I just wanted to share whats going on in my life and to start a new. Surprisingly, this has been quite therapeutic. I hope to continue to write what Im feeling & thinking because sometimes it just feels right to let it all out. 


thats all for now, thanks for all the love and support.